Battles. They're a Bitch.

Remember when I said I was anorexic?
Well, I told Taylor that I would eat more.
And I actually did for a while.
But I can feel my old habits slowly creeping back.

I guess I'm going back to starving in secret. It was always better that way, anyway.

Remember when I said I was anorexic?


Well I ate a small cup of cheerios today at around 4:30 pm.


It had been the first thing I had eaten today.


I hated myself for eating it.


So I went to the bathroom and shoved my finger down my throat.


But I still don't feel any better about myself.

Forever Wishing

Forever wishing that I could tell someone my secrets.
Secrets like how I'm anorexic.
Like how I tried to kill myself.
Like how the only reason I haven't tried it again is because I don't want to put Taylor through that.
Like how Taylor saved me.
Like how the only time I thought I was beautiful was when he was crying next to me trying to get me to not hate myself.
Like how my father is a dumbass who never cared about me.
Like how the reason why I don't cut is because I don't want Taylor to be disappointed in me.
Like how I honestly don't know how long I would last without Taylor, because he is the only person I've ever met who understands me.
Like how I am completely and utterly in love with him.